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By Donna M Torbico
See all Articles by Donna TorbicoSee Donna Torbico's Expert PageGet Updates on Abuse and RecoveryGet Updates on Donna Torbico Average: 5 Your rating: None Average: 5 (1 vote) Tweet
QUOTES
• “,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].....the distressing feeling when one’s social relationships are perceived as being less satisfying than what is desired....” See above
• “Loneliness, and the feeling of being unwanted, is the most terrible poverty.” Mother Teresa
• “What loneliness is more lonely than distrust?” George Eliot
• “Anger is a manifestation of a deeper issue... and that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], for me,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is based on insecurity, self-esteem and loneliness.” Naomi Campbell
CHILDHOOD CAUSES of L.
1. “NORMAL” STRESSORS
L. is an inevitable result of any form of abandonment.
The following are some of the things all kids can experience growing up - the key to how well they survive is whether or not they’re helped thru these difficulties with accurate information & appropriate emotional support. If not, these events can leave long-tern scars.
Definition of LONELINESS (L)
• Sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned
• Feeling a strong sense of emptiness, yearning, distress and solitude, from an inadequate quantity or quality of social relationships
• Social pain — a psychological mechanism meant to alert people of being too isolated, which can motivate them to seek social connections
• Dejected or desolate by the awareness of being alone, without companions. Separation between persons or groups
✶ Loneliness is a natural phenomenon, since humans are social creatures by nature. Too much of it is crippling.
Consider the Ab. loneliness of....
.... having to play out a Toxic Role to serve the family sickness:
-- only allowed to ‘use’ a small percentage of yourself & having to hide or cut off the rest
-- never having the freedom to find out who you really are as a whole person
-- not being able to develop at your own pace & for your own benefit .... (See posts on Toxic Roles)
Unhealed ACoAs are fear-based, & the loneliness of daily childhood abandonment underpins all of our fears! And it’s that abandonment (Ab.) loneliness that is at the root of our neediness. We’re starving for the physical, mental, emotional & spiritual nurturing we didn’t get - & are still longing for, whether we admit it to ourselves or not. We’re slowly dying inside from the lack of warmth, concern, touch, protection... especially when we were tiny.
FEEL the loneliness in you! Even in Recovery we are so often focused on the blatant abuses we lived thru that we don’t even notice the cruelty of daily neglect.
a. TO FEEL SAFE
Consider the Ab. loneliness of....
.... having to hide from parents, siblings, other relatives, neighborhood kids, baby sitters.... because they’re bullying & beating on you; subjecting you to unfair & unusual punishment, verbal & physical attacks, sexual abuse, teasing, unneeded enemas, sadistic mind-games, not allowing you to have your feelings (“I’ll give you something to cry about!”).... & no one is really protecting or helping you.
• You’re carrying the constant terror around all by yourself & waiting for the other shoe to drop. Where do you go for safety? Under the bed, or table,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in the closet, the neighbor family,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in our room,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], at the library, sports? Someone may know what happening to you, but they can’t intervene & you’re still trapped with the abusers.
NEXT: L. in Childhood (Part 2)
Consider the Loneliness of....
• Abuses: being bullied by a sibling, at school, on the playground, in the neighborhood,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], mistreatment by school or religious leaders
• Deaths: of a parent or other important family member, a beloved pet
• Limitations : Learning disabilities (ADD, Dyslexia...), being poorer than others, not having social skills
• Losses: divorce, BFF leaving, falling out with a friend, loss of favorite family member, teacher or neighbor...
• Major changes : birth of one or more siblings, one or more moves
• Positives: looking ‘different’, being smarter than most others,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], having a special skill, having more things than others
Author's Bio:
2. FROM DYSFUNCTION in the Family
In general :
• Feeling unloved & unworthy of love, even if they said they loved us
• No one could be trusted, was reliable, consistent, honest, direct
• The sense of not belonging anywhere & that nowhere was safe
• Little or NO COMFORT from anyone, & ultimately - feeling unwanted!
Consider the Ab. loneliness of....
...having to constantly fend off boundary invasions, mental & physical. It may seem like you’re not alone (someone’s always around - in your face,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in your business, in your space...), so how can you be lonely? But they’re not really WITH you, at all - rather: at you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], using you, controlling you.
It was all about their neediness: getting into every nook & cranny of our body & mind,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], watching us all the time, fussing with our looks, clothes, actions, even our facial expressions (look ashamed, wipe that look off your face....). OR it was about Competition / ‘one-upping’, between parent & child,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], between siblings - for skills, attention, knowledge, friends....
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Everywhere you go, you find articles which tells you how to improve your life, books telling you what you have not been doing for your life to be what you want it to be, and pamphlets to meetings to discuss those books, what you do not come across often is what not to do.

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According to Japan's Kyodo news agency,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Japan's largest opposition party the Liberal Democratic Party President Tanigaki 18 in Kyoto Fu Gong Jin's speech,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the possibility and the Democratic Party form a coalition government said: "there is a huge difference in foreign and security policy. Not all together."
it is reported,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the ruling coalition,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Deputy Prime Minister Katsuyaokada has been trying to raise the consumption tax to the Liberal Democratic Party cadres to seek cooperation.
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Several transport officials in central China's Henan Province were sacked or suspended from their posts after a female truck owner attempted suicide in protest against excessive fines.
The city government of Yongcheng said on Wednesday that the head and a deputy head of its traffic and transportation bureau had been suspended.
Several lower-rank road officials were also either dismissed or suspended, the government added.
The city and provincial authorities are still investigating the case in which Liu Wenli drank pesticide in a suicide attempt on Nov. 14 during a standoff with road officials over repetitive fines.
The officials stopped Liu's truck and were going to fine her for overloading, despite her claiming she had already paid an annual and a monthly "fee" of 3,000 yuan (about 489 U.S. dollars) respectively, which should have meant she did not have to pay other charges, according to Liu's brother.